Comments on: If adoption is not the right answer then…?

By: 7rin

7rin — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:46:59 +0000

Just dropping in to say congratulations on fighting for your kid.
References :
Abandoned early 1973. Reunited late 2009.

By: myst1998

myst1998 — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 17:57:59 +0000

Wow, your parents have done all that to you? Their own child? I would ask them how they feel about throwing away the chance to know their own grandchild. Seriously, I do not get parents who don’t step up and support their family when they need it most. Isn’t that what family is SUPPOSED to do?

I am so sorry you are being put in this position. Basically you are being coerced by circumstances and other people to give up your own child which is incredibly wrong. While no one will ever tell you, there are other options… and whilst parenting is hard work, I can see you are going to be a mess if you give this child up. It will ruin your life, kiss the next ten-twenty years good-bye. How do I know this will be hard for you? Because you have pretty much indicated this in your question. You are screaming for a way out and it is so sad to see this.

Cruel to KEEP your baby? Your own child who knows only you? Who is bonded to you and will be bewildered by the fact you just suddenly up and left them? I would say it would be cruel to walk away from him/her. Where there is a will there is a way. Make sure you visit the site Aislin suggested:
http://www.connections-usa.org/

Sending much love in this trial,
Myst xxx

PS. As others have said, this dr you have is despicable and needs to be reported to the proper authorities because he is soliciting a baby from you.
References :

By: AnnaBelle

AnnaBelle — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 17:26:59 +0000

Wow. I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said, but I am BEGGING you to report this doctor. Seriously. I’m begging.

Keep your baby. Give up the doctor.
References :
Foster/Adoptive Mom of 2 siblings

By: Carol c

Carol c — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:59:59 +0000

You’ve got excellent advice here and I agree with everyone but Marnie. Had she read your comment carefully, she would see that it is obvious that you do not want to give your baby away but feel backed into a corner.

Here’s an idea – In addition to reporting the doctor for violating HIPAA,The Hippocratic Oath and the fact that he has breached his duty to uphold doctor patient confidentiality; I suggest you contact a malpractice attorney and threaten to sue this guy – maybe he would settle with you in a way to give you and your child some financial security AND pay off your student loan. If you need any of us to help you with the language to make the attorney understand that this doctor is using coercive tactics to guilt trip you out of your child and probably human trafficking; feel free to ask.
Good luck! I’m really glad you want to keep your baby and looking for ways to do so!

http://medicalmalpracticelawblog.com/2009/03/17/breach-of-doctorpatient-confidentiality/

I’d sure look into it and take any action you have to against him in addition to following all the other good advice here.
References :

By: need an answer

need an answer — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:41:59 +0000

i dont know how you feel but i can sort of understand. if you really want to keep your baby than keep it. but ask your family for help so you dont have to pay for daycare. if they refuse then thats a little wierd because that may be the only way you can keep the baby. or if you decide for adoption ask for an open adoption so you can still see your child and have a relationship with your baby.

-gomezjess@hotmail.com
References :

By: FlyingMonkeySwatter

FlyingMonkeySwatter — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:35:59 +0000

I think it is incredibly ethically wrong for a doctor, nurse to take any stance or providing advice on adoption or not to adopt. That sucks. They are there to take care of the patient’s physical and psychological needs…not to provide anyone an unborn child or put express an opinion about adoption either way. Did you giver her permission to disclose info? I think you are NO way obligated to say crap to these people and I would request to your doctor no further information should be disclosed or discussed unless you bring it up.

We (I mean collectively our daughter’s mother and us) learned when we went to the hospital that both nurses and doctors were very free with their opinions in about keeping, giving up…there were personal details about the mother discussed with us that should NEVER have been disclosed. We got the "your daughter is lucky she’s being given up" and we had one nurse tell our daughters mother that she reports 100% of adoptions to the state as coercive since she didn’t believe in adoption–she had worked up our daughters mother into such an emotional state she was frantic to leave the hospital and would panic when she knew that particular nurse was coming back to her room. She asked me to stay in the room with her so she wouldn’t be alone with her.

It is NOT cruel to keep your baby. It is cruel for someone to put you in this position-this darned doctor to start with.
References :

By: LindseyTaylor

LindseyTaylor — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 15:48:59 +0000

You can get medicaid for your medical bills, WIC to help with food for the baby, assistance with child care so you can continue schooling, even help from the campus with family housing. Financial problems are no excuse. I know they are overwelming…believe me I know, but I hate hate hate when people say they want to keep their children but let a roadblock completely stop them.

I was kicked out at 17. No car, no money, no job, no education. And I got pregnant…and I did let the roadblocks stop me. and I would do anything I could do have my daughter with me right now. Instead of fighting like hell and doing everything I could to make what I wanted happen…I fell into a "well there’s nothing I can do" slump. and I wish that I had fought like hell…

You do not owe this couple your baby…you don’t owe them anything. Make the best decision for you and your baby.
References :

By: rejectedzipper

rejectedzipper — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 15:12:59 +0000

Just do what you think is right FOR YOU.

That’s all that counts.

The "deal" thru your OB/GYN is illegal. Walk away from it, adoption has to be formal and go according to State requirements – if they will do that then go ahead.

Ignore the haters.
References :

By: Marnie B

Marnie B — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 14:55:59 +0000

It sounds like you’ve made your decision, & you feel like it’s the best choice for you. You don’t have to justify your reasons to anyone. Don’t let the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the Internet make you feel bad about it. Don’t listen to them, listen to your heart. I’d encourage you to talk to a counselor to help you sort out your feelings.
References :

By: skylark

skylark — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 14:22:59 +0000

I don’t know what the right answer for you is. I do think there are situations where adoption is the best choice but I don’t know if yours is one of those. I also think there are mothers who do a good job raising their children despite enormous challenges, and there are some resources and supports listed here that you could explore that might help you. You shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into anything.

One thing I feel absolutely sure of is that you are under no obligation to the couple that want to adopt, and their feelings should not influence your decision. If you do it, it should be because you sincerely feel it is the best thing for you and your baby, not for any other reason. You don’t owe them anything.

Had you promised them, you have the right to change your mind, and you haven’t even promised them, you just said you’d consider it. So take them out of your decision process altogether.

I also think your doctor was out of line.

Breathe deeply and take your time to consider all your options.
References :